taking a walk...

7:06pm: Boston

1:30pm: pregnancy diet
Breakfast

* 1 cup fat-free milk
* 2 whole grain toaster waffles, topped with
o 1 cup berries or chopped fruit
o 2 tsp butter or trans-free margarine
o 2 tsp maple syrup

Morning Snack

* 2 tsp peanut almond or sun butter
* 2 Graham crackers
* 1c almond milk

Lunch

* 1 cup sliced red peppers
* Veggie cheeseburger (see below)

Afternoon Snack

* 1 protein bar (20g protein)

Dinner

* 1 cup steamed broccoli, with a spritz of lemon juice
* Lemon Couscous (see below)
* Fish with Olives and Capers (see below)

Treat

* 5 dark chocolate covered raisins

recipes
Veggie Cheeseburger
Ingredients:
1 vegetable burger (about 120 calories, such as Gardenburger) 1 slice reduced-fat cheese on 1 whole wheat hamburger bun 2 teaspoons low-fat mayo mustard tomato slices lettuce

Instructions:
Cook 1 vegetable burger (about 120 calories, such as Gardenburger) according to package directions. Melt 1 slice reduced-fat cheese on top and place in 1 whole wheat hamburger bun with 2 teaspoons low-fat mayo, mustard, tomato slices and lettuce.
Lemon Couscous
Ingredients:
2⁄3 cup water 1⁄2 teaspoon butter Dash of salt 1⁄2 cup dry whole wheat couscous 2 tablespoons raisins 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest.

Instructions:
In a small saucepan, bring the water, butter, and salt to a boil. Add the couscous. Cover, turn off the heat, and let stand for 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork. Add the raisins and lemon zest. Toss to combine.
Fish with Olives and Capers
Ingredients:
2 teaspoons olive oil 1 clove garlic, chopped 1 can (14 ounces) whole tomatoes Pepper to taste 2 organic, low/no mercury fish fillets, such as red snapper, tilapia, or other fish (5–6 ounces each) 2 1⁄2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil 2 tablespoons chopped, pitted black olives (preferably kalamata or Moroccan) 1 teaspoon capers, chopped

Instructions:
In a large nonstick skillet, warm the oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and stir for 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes. Bring to a boil, breaking the tomatoes into coarse chunks with a spoon. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer for 10 minutes. Season with pepper. Add the fish and spoon the sauce over it to cover completely. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes, or until the fish flakes easily. Transfer just the fish to a serving dish. Stir the basil, olives, and capers into the tomatoes. Simmer for 30 seconds and pour over the fish

7:17pm: pregnancy log jan 09
breakfast
cheese stick
6 raw almonds
5 blueberried
2 strawberried
16 oz of water

snack
fruit cup
cheese stick

lunch
flax seed chips and avocado
water

dinner
couscous with lentils, squash and cauliflower
water

snack
nutrient water
more flax seed chips
4 almonds
25.3 oz of water

activity
60 minutes 40 cardio 20 strength itrain workout

feeling
tired, nauseous,but strong. feel pregnancy in lower back and abdomen... will focus more on core strength this month.

11:25pm: mommy of two. three if you count brandy the wonder beagle and five if you count the christmas trees in the house.
catchup katsup:
1. had a son in august. i wonder sometimes if offspring is a course in vanity, do we love them in part because they look/act like us?
2. am an immunology course away from another degree. gpa plummeted this semester due due birth of child two days before semester started but whatevah d=diploma at this point.
3. husband and i officially in marathon training mode.
4. husband won huge contract, which should be a good thing, but we never see him anymore, so not so good thing.
5. husband in iraq so my 6th official week of mostly vegan/sometimes raw diet took temporary detour to chocolate and raspberry cake town with the frothy coca cola waterfall.
6. life is busy, but good.
7. went to a thing last week,ted turner showed me to the loo. i don't know why, but it's still geeking me out.
8. daughter has just discovered that spinning around until she gets dizzy and falls down in tons o' fun.

8:19am: i want to think...
...that jessica lunsford didn't know what was happening and just went to sleep. that her little nine-year old body didn't hurt.

it hurts me when they show pictures of that sick man and say 'the alleged' when talking about her neighbor who raped her and buried her alive just yards away from her own home.

...that the 14 year old girl who heard her family die before she was raped by scary men and then killed herself, didn't feel or hurt or know.

it hurts me when they say 'young woman' because they can't bring themselves to say that these men raped and killed a little girl.

...that the whole football team that gang-raped that 11 year old girl in fresno will have their balls cut off, that the girl will move on to someday not be haunted by this experience that could ruin her.

it hurts me that societies punish women for the crimes men perpetuate against them, and no shelter is given to our little girls.

1:05am: a billion dollars???
from cnn:

Problems with the distribution of federal disaster assistance after hurricanes Katrina and Rita caused potential fraud and waste topping $1 billion, an audit by the Government Accountability Office found.

Debit cards given to people displaced by the storms were improperly used to buy diamond jewelry, a vacation in the Dominican Republic, fireworks, a $200 bottle of champagne at a Hooters in San Antonio and $300 worth of "Girls Gone Wild" videos, the audit found.

According to the GAO, $1,000 from a FEMA debit card went to a Houston divorce lawyer, $600 was spent in a strip club and $400 was spent on "adult erotica products," all of which auditors concluded were "not necessary to satisfy legitimate disaster needs."


ugh.

3:08pm: holy shitballs
steve vaught is going t o finish his x-country walk any hour now.

http://thefatmanwalking.com/

i can't believe it.

10:55pm: d.c.
had a dinner-but-don't-eat in an evening gown i could never afford. met a queen, sat next to a hollywood man, hugged a governor, and stood to applaud a civil rights scion. bailed early, met up with husband, who works hard and loves it, ate dinner on a date at a burrito shack dressed up and dressed down.

life is good.

11:18am: recent me things i don't want to forget
went to darfur rally
going to spain
got sunburnt and feel great about it
perfected healthy yummy tabbouleh
househunting
not spazzing le boy's arrival
dont like it when people can't apologize or accept apologies
dont like grudges or people who hold them
like more simplicity
like cleanliness and order
get reiki level 2s
almost done with bs honors
take training cert test
like to clean the house, myself, do homework, and eat before 6 am
can run 5 miles 6 months pregnant
can still do ab work
love swimming with daughter
think optimism ensures life will work out well.

9:44am: i really want this

it's an enlightenment game using biofeedback. i wonder if it works and is worth the 150. seems cool.

8:37pm: haha holy shitballs of fire
Don't do this in Sudan, ever.

11:10am: gimme what i want

i really want this for my baby shower:

every mom should have one.

6:08am: i saw an online recipe for spam fajitas and i gagged on myself.

6:17pm: today i went shopping for a rug. i purchased a gorgeous new one, and some shelving for the wall. then, i popped into a maternity store, and bought 4 dresses for the summer for 50 bucks! i never went in there last pregnancy because pea in the pod = no moolah in the wallet, but these dresses were from last summer, chucked in a corner, and ten bucks each!!! so while i will be a fat sweaty preggo lardass this summer, i will be a cute fat sweaty preggo lardass.

11:36am: well...
i'm pregnant.

6:27pm: k so i'm sorry if i unfriended you. i dont really know what happened but my friends list was unfriended and in its place were like a million people i didn't know which is odd since i dont have more than a handful of people anyway.

weird.

5:51pm: dude...
fuck pussies.

1:08pm: my grandfather held her frail life in his hands... and cracked her
my mother was so strong when i was 13. we were in egypt and my grandfather took our passports from her 'for safe keeping' and wouldn't give them back to her, a year later. he said she could have hers but she couldn't have ours. she couldn't stand for that. we were, all of us, miserable. he hit her. told her he could have her killed and dumped in the river and nobody would know or care.

she got us out. she was beaten and defeated, and i think my father on his visit to us from america told her some things that cracked any bit of confidence she had left, but she got us to where she felt safe.

she isn't the pitiful character. it is they; who preyed on the weak, who tried to, and for a while, did, destroy a mother's bond with her children. who took a family from each other till they were strangers.

she is my phoenix, she is my light that shone when all others went out. she forgave me and loved me when nobody dared to; not even myself. she is here, still, after all this time, after all my hate has ebbed and flowed,after all my cuelty and fear has come and gone; still here, just loving me.

she was hurt by all the men and women in her life who ever got close enough to touch her soul. i was one of them. and in some ways, she did it all for me and my sister and brother.

she is the greatest woman i have ever known.

12:11am: oh shitballs ebay is the devil
so i see these brand new christian dior handbags. and i bid. on two of them. and now it looks like i will win.

fuck me.

i'm toast.

7:08pm: today...
woke up to a waaaaaaaaaaaay too early phonecall from my cousin coming from nyc to visit. during the phonecall, the baby laid a nice, steaming hot, runny, putrid dump all over my crossed, indian style, comfy cozy legs, her back, her thighs, and her comforter. i chuck our clothes off and wash her off, and douse the bedlinens in Oxyclean and chuck them in the laundry.

Along with my cell phone.

I can't replace the cellphone, because that particular bill is in my husband's name. He's out of the country.

So..Cousin missed bus, phone washed, drycleaning not done...

and the baby fell off the bed.

can it be tomorrow now, please?

8:15am: summertime... and the livin is..... fucking hot and humid
The heat has been blamed for at least 28 deaths in the Phoenix area, most of them homeless people, along with at least four in Missouri, two young children left in hot cars in Oklahoma, and one each in Kentucky, Ohio and Mississippi...

how sad to be darwined out by your own parents.

people don't leave their wallets in their cars...why on earth would they leave their children?

4:02pm: for my reference
Wednesday, Kitchen, take dry cleaning to/pick up package from concierge, raise bed
Thursday, Yoga 7-8p
Friday Cousin comes
Friday Husband returns
Saturday Housekeeper 10-12
Saturday Inlaws come

Wed Aug 3 Doctor appt
Sat Aug 6 Dinner invite

8:55pm: nighttime schedule
5:30 play
6:30 meal
7:00-7:45 bath
8:00 book and bed

she went down with no fuss, no muss. it's me. i need to be structured. my routine is too fluid. i need to be more diligent about giving her markers, and give her what she needs before she knows she needs it, like putting her to bed before she's exhausted.

OMGWTFLOLBRB! Malfoy did WHAT to harry on the train???? ugh. bitchmode.

9:08am: it is so hard to control my temper when the baby is crying, boxes are everywhere, i'm alone, the stereo was broken in the move, milk has gone moldy, laundry isn't done, and i get 'accidentally' shit on, but i know she's doing it on purpose.

AGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

something isn't working. i sleep with her, wear her, tend to her, yet she always fucking melts down if i'm not glued to her ass, and the kids i see who get dropped off in good old mr. crib for a few hours have no problem socializing, tending to themselves, and being FUCKING RATIONAL.

i quit.

12:42pm: and when she sleeps her eyelashes curl.
ever think you could jinx yourself? like something is going too well and you know for sure that something bad *has* to happen, and it can't last? that if you hurry up and think about everything that could possibly go wrong, you can outwit Fate, who's hell bent on torturing you with something so heinous you haven't thought of it yet?

i'm convinced he'll never return. he'll leave tomorrow, and our hasty kiss at the terminal will be how i remember him as he heads back to the not-so-dangerous danger zone.

every time he goes i hold my breath.